weight issues and parental involvement

Yesterday I saw a patient who got very emotional during our meeting and this related to the fact that she will be traveling to visit with her parents this weekend. Unfortunately, the patient has constantly been admonished about her weight status by her mother, and her efforts never seem to be "good enough" for her mother. I have had several other patients in our program who, for years, have been constantly chastised about their weight by their parents, interestingly, much more often the mother than the father.

This situation becomes a psychological "control" issue, as the affected person will feel that he/she is disappointing their parents, almost like coming home with bad grades from school. Depending on how the parent approaches the person, it could be perceived as very degrading and controlling. After years and years of basically being told "you do not look good", the person develops a very low self-esteem and starts believing that they are a "failure".

As a parent, you of course should encourage health and well-being for your loved ones/children, and try to set a good example. Approaching your child about his/her weight issue is somethign that should be done, but the manner needs to be loving and supportive as opposed to harsh and cruel. There is no book or formula that will spell out how to supportively and positively approach loved ones about their weight issues, but certainly in the case of children, much psychological harm can be done if this approach is harsh and judgmental